Thief of Joy ..

I’ve run my share of races .. some for fun, some for time .. some with laughs and yes, some with pain. Each and every race .. without fail .. I COMPARE! I don’t just compare in my running, but in every aspect of my life – TRUTH!

I compare myself to “myself” – heavier, lighter, younger and older. I compare myself to “HER” (whoever it is at the moment – some days it’s Cindy Crawford) – is she faster than me, slower than me .. am I taller than her (a big issue for me) or shorter than her (ha, most likely not) .. am I heavier than her or smaller? Will they like me .. or not? Are they really interested in me .. or just being polite?

Does she have stretch marks — from carrying her babies like me? Am I good mom? Will my kids ship off to college in a few years and never want to come back home? Am I spoiling my dog when she paws me for attention?!? Seriously the list can go on for days and for those of you who know me .. know this list is never ending!

I admit .. at my age this is still happening. I even admitted it out loud to my daughter and her Girl Scout troop while we were having a group discussion on “friendship”and feelings. I wanted them to know that all of this is normal (right?). I wanted them to not feel embarrassed or insecure about these feelings. I lifted my hand in the air at age 42 .. and confessed. I am guilty of this! I am quite sure my daughter was mortified .. but I am glad I did it. I don’t want them to feel they are not enough .. or not brave enough to admit things (no matter what people may think)! Especially when those same “Her’s” are most likely feeling the same way ..

This past weekend I ran the Nike Women’s Marathon (with 30,000 other “Her’s”) and for a brief 36-hours – I felt confident in my running abilities – no comparing! However, that old friend “compare” came right back to visit me – and as I type this post I say to “Her” .. This time I will take the 36-hours and remember that feeling when I wear my Tiffany necklace proudly .. just for me NO COMPARING — and live in my joy! I will try to remember this .. join me! We all deserve JOY .. try and find it in everything!

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4 Comments

  1. Love this so much!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I think you are an amazing Mom and and inspiration to those around you. Including me! Our honesty is the best!

  3. Seriously with the autocorrect! YOUR honesty is the best

  4. Thank you Rachel !

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